


Tired Soldiers

by LibraryMage



Series: Tired Soldiers In This War [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 19:32:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: After leaving Malachor, Ahsoka goes to Tatooine to find Obi-Wan.(content warning for survivor's guilt and discussion of death)





	Tired Soldiers

Ahsoka knew exactly three things about Tatooine.  One, the entire planet was a desert.  Two, it was Anakin’s home world.  Three, according to Ezra, it was where she would find Obi-Wan.

It was the nearly sunset when she reached her destination.  Ezra hadn’t been able to give her exact coordinates, but she was closer than he’d gotten when he’d come out here.

She landed the ship in the middle of nowhere, hiding it in the shadows of a cliff.  Far in the distance, she could see some kind of structure.  On any other planet, she would’ve assumed something this far out of the way was a farm, but what could you grow out here?

She closed her eyes, reaching out through the Force, casting out a mental net, feeling for Obi-Wan’s presence.  She felt something, a warm, somewhat dormant glow in the distance.  It almost felt familiar, but it wasn’t Obi-Wan.

Finally, she sensed him.  He was hiding his presence well, but she could just feel him.  If she wasn’t already so familiar with him, she might not have been able to.  She steeled herself and began walking into the endless stretch of sand ahead of her.

It wasn’t long before she saw him.  He was seated just outside of the shade cast by a crest of rocks.  Meditating, which was no surprise to her.  He opened his eyes as he felt her approaching.

“You’re a hard man to find,” Ahsoka said.

Obi-Wan stood, staring at her like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“And yet you’re not the first to manage it,” he said.

They both smiled, almost at the same time, as they stared at each other, both of them trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they were each seeing the other alive.

Ahsoka broke first, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder.  She couldn’t help it.  He seemed surprised at first, but returned her embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” she heard him say.  She just tightened her grip around him.

It felt somehow too long and too quick before she finally let go.  She took a step back, brushing away tears she hadn’t even realized were forming in her eyes.

“Obi-Wan,” she said, her heart aching as she thought about the words she was about to say.  She didn’t want to say it, but _he_ had to know.  “There’s something I need to tell you about Anakin.”

She saw the heartbroken look in Obi-Wan’s eyes and it came as no surprise to her when the next words he said were “I know.”

“How did you find out?” Obi-Wan asked her.

“I saw him on Lothal,” Ahsoka said.  “But I wasn’t sure until -- until Malachor.”

Ahsoka paced back and forth as she told Obi-Wan about her quest to Malachor with Kanan and Ezra and everything that had happened there, her voice shaking and stalling as she did.  Obi-Wan listened patiently as she told him everything.

“I couldn’t leave him,” she said.  “I know I should have run, but I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t do that to Anakin again.”

Obi-Wan sighed sadly.

“Anakin is gone,” he said.

“But he’s _not_ ,” Ahsoka said.  “I saw it on Malachor.  There’s still something good in him.  Or there was.”

Her voice trailed off as she found herself wondering if she’d inadvertently destroyed the last shred of light in her old friend as she’d tried to protect her new ones.

“I was there, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said.  “I saw what he did.  The man we knew has been gone since he slaughtered those children in the temple.”

The words were rushed out, his voice hard and bitter, and Ahsoka could tell he’d been holding that in for a long time.

“How did this happen?” Ahsoka asked.  Part of her didn’t want to know.  Part of her still clung to the idea that somehow all of this was a mistake, even though she’d seen Anakin’s face with her own eyes.

“Sit down,” Obi-Wan said.  “It’s a long story.”

* * *

 

The suns were just beginning to set as Obi-Wan finished telling Ahsoka what had happened, some of it from what he’d seen himself, and some of it pieced together after the fact.  By the time he finished telling her, he seemed to have aged a dozen years.

“I’m sorry, Ahsoka,” he said.  “I should have been able to stop this.  I failed him.”

“No,” Ahsoka said.  Obi-Wan cut her off before she could say anything else.

“It’s true, Ahsoka,” he said.  “I should have seen the signs.  I should have realized Palpatine was manipulating him.”

Ahsoka shook her head.  “I’m the one who should’ve seen it,” she said.  She thought back to Mortis, to the vision of herself, warning her.  _Seeds of the Dark Side planted by your master._   Even then, he’d been falling, and he’d started to drag her down with him, and she had never seen it.

“I practically raised him,” Obi-Wan said.  “Since he was nine years old.  If I had just taught him better so he could have resisted the Dark Side -- or if he’d just felt like he could have come to me for help.”  He sighed.  “Sometimes I wonder if Qui-Gon could have done better.”

“You were a great teacher,” Ahsoka said.  “And Anakin always said so, too.  This wasn’t your fault.”

Obi-Wan shook his head and Ahsoka knew nothing she said would convince him.  How could it, when she couldn’t even convince herself of the same thing?

“I keep asking myself if things would have been different if I’d stayed,” she said.  “I _know_ there had to be something I could have done.”

Her voice broke as everything hit her all over again.

“I’m sorry,” she said, embarrassed by the tears in her eyes.  “It’s just -- none of this should have happened.  Not to you, not to Anakin, not to Padmé.”

“Not to you,” Obi-Wan said.  Ahsoka bit down on the inside of her cheek, staring at the ground, refusing to look at him.

“Ahsoka,” he said, almost like he was nudging her with his voice.  “None of this should have happened to you.”

Ahsoka shook her head.  She didn’t want to hear it.  Compared to everyone else, she’d come out of this relatively unscathed.  Ironic and unfair, considering she’d helped cause this in the first place.

Silence fell between the two of them.  Ahsoka scuffed at the sand with her toes.

“Come back with me,” she said.  “We need all the help we can get.”

“I can’t,” Obi-Wan said.

“Obi-Wan, you don’t have to stay here and keep punishing yourself,” Ahsoka said.

“That’s not what’s happening,” he told her.

“Then what’s keeping you here?” she asked.

Obi-Wan gave a quiet sigh and for a moment, Ahsoka thought he wasn’t going to answer her.  Then he spoke.

“Anakin’s son.”

Ahsoka stared at him in disbelief, at a loss for words.

“You can’t tell _anyone_ about him,” Obi-Wan said.  “If word got to Vader somehow -- or worse, Palpatine --"

Ahsoka was already shaking her head.

“I won’t,” she said.  She paused as she scrambled to come up with the words for what she wanted to say.  The problem was she didn’t even know what that was.

“Why did you tell me this?” she finally asked.

“You were closer to him than anyone,” he told her.  “You deserved to know.”

Ahsoka sat quietly for a moment as she tried to process this unexpected information.  She hadn’t even known Padmé was pregnant.  Either Padmé hadn’t thought to tell her or, more likely, she had never gotten the chance.

“What’s his name?” she asked, then shook her head.  “No.  Don’t tell me.  I shouldn’t know.”

“We hid him here so he’d be safe,” Obi-Wan said.  “No one would look for him here, even if they knew he existed.”

“I know if anyone can keep him safe, it’s you,” Ahsoka said, staring into the distance.  She had the sense that there was something else, some other piece of the story, that Obi-Wan wasn’t telling her.  But she didn’t ask.  It was better that way.  Safer.  You can’t compromise information that you don’t know.

“I almost wish I could stay,” she said.  “To help you protect him.”

“The rebellion needs you,” Obi-Wan said.

“I know.”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but think that they had gotten along just fine without her for a year now.  It wasn’t self-pity, it was just a fact.  Still, she knew Obi-Wan was right, and deep down, she didn’t really want to stay.  She belonged with the rebellion.  She always had, right from the beginning, from the day Bail Organa had recruited her.

And it was time to go home.


End file.
